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5 Subtle Signs of Trauma: When You're Dealing with More Than You Think
When you think about someone experiencing trauma, incidents such as a violent or sexual assault or a terrible car accident might come to mind. Those are very traumatic and are more obvious trauma experiences, but there are also other, subtler forms of trauma that can negatively affect our lives and hinder our relationships. These sometimes go under the radar or get dismissed because they are more subtle.
Emotional trauma is often overlooked and minimized, and we may think we’ve “gotten over” some emotional pain that we’ve simply buried, and not dealt with. A break up, being passed over for a promotion at work, or even a simple but negative childhood experience can cause emotional trauma. Read on to see if you recognize any of these four subtle signs of trauma in yourself.
When you think about someone experiencing trauma, incidents such as a violent or sexual assault or a terrible car accident might come to mind. Those are very traumatic and are more obvious trauma experiences, but there are also other, subtler forms of trauma that can negatively affect our lives and hinder our relationships. These sometimes go under the radar or get dismissed because they are more subtle.
Emotional trauma is often overlooked and minimized, and we may think we’ve “gotten over” some emotional pain that we’ve simply buried, and not dealt with. A break up, being passed over for a promotion at work, or even a simple but negative childhood experience can cause emotional trauma. Read on to see if you recognize any of these four subtle signs of trauma in yourself.
Feeling Overwhelmed
Anxiety and stress may develop in the aftermath of trauma, causing you to feel overwhelmed in numerous ways. You might feel out of control, like there is too much to do, or that people in your life are taking up too much of your time and attention. If you often feel as though your life has become unmanageable, this could be a sign that you have some unresolved emotional trauma.
Overreacting
Emotional overreactions are a common symptom of trauma. A victim of trauma might redirect their overwhelming emotions towards others, such as family and friends. Because these undealt with emotions are always bubbling under the surface, any incident that brings feelings forward can unleash these pent-up emotions. If you can recall times when you’ve overreacted, and perhaps have even been surprised at your own reactions, this may be a sign of trauma.
Shame
It’s not uncommon for people suffering from emotional trauma to have feelings of shame and self-blame. If you have feelings of shame because of a traumatic event, you may devalue yourself or see yourself as weak. You might feel a stigma from what you endured, and this may prevent you from admitting that you may be traumatized, or prevent you from seeking help.
Daydreaming
Another subtle sign of trauma is “zoning” or “spacing out.” You might feel disconnected from others or have difficulty staying present in social situations. Emotional trauma can cause you to slow down internally, numbing your emotions or causing you to feel exhausted. Because of the trauma you experienced, you may be averse to the expression of painful emotions, so you turn those emotions off. As you withdraw, your relationships with others suffer, causing you further psychological pain.
Physical Illness or Pain
Often times when emotional pain is buried and/or ignored, the body naturally finds a way to release it in one way or another. Sometimes this comes out in physical bodily pains, illness, disease, or allergies. Emotional, mental, and physical health are intertwined so unresolved emotional pain may come out in your physical body.
If these signs seem familiar and you believe you may be suffering from trauma, help is available. A caring, mental health professional trained in trauma treatment can help. Take the first step by giving us a call today, and let’s set up a time to talk.
Do You Have C-PTSD?
You have most likely heard the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – also known as PTSD. It is used to describe the mental and emotional anguish suffered by those who have experienced sudden trauma, usually a one time incident. PTSD is often experienced by soldiers as well as those who have been victims of rape and other crimes, and even victims of house fires and car accidents.
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) describes a condition that very much presents like PTSD, the difference being the sufferer experienced prolonged periods of abuse or neglect. This could happen as a result of childhood abuse/neglect or the abuse suffered at the hands of a narcissistic partner.
You have most likely heard the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – also known as PTSD. It is used to describe the mental and emotional anguish suffered by those who have experienced sudden trauma, usually a one time incident. PTSD is often experienced by soldiers as well as those who have been victims of rape and other crimes, and even victims of house fires and car accidents.
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) describes a condition that very much presents like PTSD, the difference being the sufferer experienced prolonged periods of abuse or neglect. This could happen as a result of childhood abuse/neglect or the abuse suffered at the hands of a narcissistic partner.
Diagnosing C-PTSD
Diagnosing C-PTSD is tricky because the symptoms are usually not very unique. That is to say, someone who is suffering from C-PTSD may be experiencing anxiety and lethargy, but these symptoms match other mental health issues.
But it is very important to accurately diagnose C-PTSD because of the necessary treatment measures. The main difference between C-PTSD and other mental health issues – say, bipolar disorder – is that C-PTSD is a result of things that were done TO an individual, and not an intrinsic problem. In other words, someone suffers from C-PTSD because of abuse and neglect at the hands of another and not because of genetically determined brain chemistry.
To help correctly identify C-PTSD, a therapist must uncover an accurate history to understand if:
The individual has experienced multiple prolonged traumas that have lasted for months (or even years)
The traumas were caused by someone the individual had a deep interpersonal relationship with and/or someone who was part of their primary care network (most commonly a parent or caregiver)
These traumas were experienced as permanent features of life, with the individual unable to see any end in sight
The individual had no control or power over the person traumatizing them
Symptoms of C-PTSD
As I just mentioned, the outward symptoms of C-PTSD may match other mental health disorders. Those symptoms include:
Flashbacks and nightmares in which the trauma is relived.
Avoiding people, places, and situations that remind them of the trauma.
Dizziness or nausea when remembering the trauma.
Hyperarousal. This is a state of high alert and one they often lived in.
A belief that the world is a dangerous place.
A loss of trust in self or others.
Difficulty sleeping and concentrating.
Being startled by loud noises.
Treatment for C-PTSD
There are a few different treatment options for people suffering from C-PTSD:
Psychotherapy
Therapy can take place on a one-to-one basis or in a group setting. The focus will be on addressing feelings, improving connections with others, and dealing with anxiety and flashbacks.
EMDR
EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. This is a process that uses eye movement to help a person desensitize their reactions to a specific traumatic event. The result is the person can eventually recall the memory but have no emotional reaction to it.
Medication
Some individuals may need to be on medications for a while to reduce their anxiety. A therapist can work with you to determine if this is the best course of action.
If you believe you are suffering from C-PTSD and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
Overcoming Generational Trauma
You know you got your hairline from your Dad’s side of the family and your eye color from your mom. You know diabetes runs in your family, as does heart disease and Parkinson’s. But do you know that many families also pass down trauma to their loved ones? It’s not just our physical makeup and risk of disease that we inherit from our family, it is also the emotional wounds as well.
You know you got your hairline from your Dad’s side of the family and your eye color from your mom. You know diabetes runs in your family, as does heart disease and Parkinson’s.
But do you know that many families also pass down trauma to their loved ones? It’s not just our physical makeup and risk of disease that we inherit from our family, it is also the emotional wounds as well.
What is Transgenerational Trauma?
Before you were born you were in your mother’s womb and very susceptible to her emotions. As your mother felt joy, her body released hormones that made you feel joy.
When she felt sad, scared, or angry, her body released hormones that made her experience these same emotions.
Eventually, you were born and raised in a house that may not always be happy or harmonious. Your parents may have been emotionally distant or even abusive because they may have been brought up by parents who had their own reasons for being emotionally absent or abusive.
Many families have unresolved trauma that works its way through one generation to the next. Those families who have dealt with addiction, depression, anxiety, terror, racism, and the like, often continue to pass on negative emotions, poor behaviors, low self-esteem, and maladaptive coping strategies. These not only lead to a painful and hard life, but they can also lead to chronic health conditions.
It Can Stop With You!
If you have a history of family conflict or trauma, you can be the individual who puts an end to the cycle. You can be the one who begins a new cycle, one of passing down loving communication and positive self-images.
Of course, it will take work on your part to overcome the pain of your family history. That’s why it’s a good idea to work with a mental health professional who can offer you the right tools and coping strategies that you can then pass down to your own children.
If you’re interested in exploring therapy, please get in touch with me! I’d love to help you end the cycle of trauma in your family.
SOURCES:
How to Heal Your “Mother Wound?”
Healing begins when we begin to understand what we didn’t have so that we can give ourselves what was missing. Long term healing comes when we engage both our left brain (cognitive side) and right brain (emotional side) together. We must engage both sides of the brain in a safe and caring presence in order to find effective healing.
If you are reading this, I suspect that you have some sort of relationship difficulty with your mother. If you are asking what exactly is a “Mother Wound”? I encourage you to read my previous blog called, “What Is A Mother Wound?” Reading that blog will give you some understanding of what we are talking about in regards to learning how to heal the mother wound.
What Healing the Mother Wound IS NOT
Hating your mother
Blaming your mother for what she couldn’t provide
Betraying your mother
Convincing others to hate your mother
Calling your mother names such as, “borderline,” “bipolar,” “narcissist,” or “crazy”
Diagnosing your mother with a personality disorder
Going to therapy with your mother
Being close with your mother
Healing the Mother Wound
Healing begins when we begin to understand what we didn’t have so that we can give ourselves what was missing. Long term healing comes when we engage both our left brain (cognitive side) and right brain (emotional side) together. We must engage both sides of the brain in a safe and caring presence in order to find effective healing.
NAMe WHAT IS TRUE
The first step is naming what is true, naming the pain, naming the wounds, and becoming cognitively aware. We cannot change what we are not aware of so cognitive awareness is key. Reading books on the topic, listening to podcasts, and learning about Mother Wounds is cognitive (left brain) but it doesn’t stop there…
ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL
Healing doesn’t stop with “knowing” or being aware. In order to find long-term healing, you must allow yourself to feel the wound. This might involve some grief - grieving what you didn’t get that you needed or grieving how you were hurt. Allowing yourself to feel the longing that desires to be nurtured, protected, or guided is using your right brain. “After a lifetime of protecting ourselves, the brain simply won’t let go unless we are safe and supported. Your lovely brain is waiting for you to find a guide - someone with no other agenda than to help you find yourself” (Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel).
GIVe YOURSELF WHAT YOU NEEDED
Replacing what you lost and/or didn’t get as a child from your mother can be a difficult task. Nothing truly replaces a mother, but there are ways we can learn to take care of ourselves in ways that we lacked getting growing up. This can look like finding ways to nurture your body and emotions through your senses, such as taking a warm bath, using a comfy blanket to curl up with, taking naps, lighting your favorite scented candle or using your favorite essential oils, moving your body, listening to calming music, or finding someone safe to talk to.
Another part of giving yourself what you needed is reclaiming the love that you need. Surround yourself with good community who are accepting and supportive. Allow yourself to experience compassion from others and offer yourself self-compassion.
SET BOUNDARIES
Setting boundaries can sound harsh at first, but creating a relationship with your mother based on your needs and emotional health regardless if your mother changes or not is important for your healing. Setting boundaries is actually an invitiation to your mother for something more, to something deeper, but you cannot force her to choose something different. That has to be her choice, but you get to choose how you will relate to her by setting boundaries. Essentially, a boundary says, “I am not going to tolerate this behavior anymore for my own health and well-being regardless if you change or not.” This might be one of the most loving things you can do for your mother because it lets her know that her patterns of relating are hurting those around her and it’s up to her at that point to choose something different. And you don’t have to continue letting yourself be hurt by her anymore because your learning to set boundaries.
This is hard work. Most of us cannot do this work on our own which is why I recommend working with an attachment-focused therapist. No matter where you are at in your journey to finding healing from a mother wound, a qualified attachment-focused therapist can help. Reach out to me today if you would like to take the next step in your healing journey.
Sources:
What is Complex Trauma and What Causes it?
Little “t” traumas (Complex-Trauma) are when someone is repeatedly exposed to extremely threatening events from which they are unable to escape such as, prolonged bullying or harrassment, prolonged emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, prolonged captivity, prolonged domestic violence, prolonged discrimination, or being a refuge.
Most of us won’t get through life without our own fair share of stress and heartache. But some people experience not just stress, sadness or grief, but actual trauma. There are two categories of trauma commonly referred to as: Big “”T trauma and Little “t” trauma (also known as complex trauma).
Big “T” Trauma
Big “T” traumas are isolated incidents such as, being involved in a bad car accident, an isolated rape incident, a natural disaster, or war. The result of experiencing big “T” trauma events is called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a condition where the mind is unable to process the event as it processes ordinary life events. The result is a brain that misfires information, causing the person to live much of their life distressed, as if the event were still happening to them.
Little “t” trauma
Little “t” traumas (Complex-Trauma) are when someone is repeatedly exposed to extremely threatening events from which they are unable to escape such as, prolonged bullying or harrassment, prolonged emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, prolonged captivity, prolonged domestic violence, prolonged discrimination, or being a refuge. Although little “t” traumas may seem less significant because they are not as life threatening as big “T” traumas, the reality is sometimes little “t” traumas can cause more emotional harm than big “T” traumas. The result of little “t” traumas is Complex-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD). C-PTSD can also develop from traumas experienced during a child’s developmental years such as, childhood sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect, exposure to domestic violence, having a parent with an untreated mental illness, and having a parent who abuses alcohol or other substances.
Symptoms of PTSD (results of Big “T” traumas):
• Nightmares
• Flashbacks
• Psychological and physiological distress at reminders
• Avoidance of internal and external reminders
• Dissociative amnesia
• Negative beliefs about oneself and the world
• Distorted blaming of oneself
• Negative persistent emotional states
• Loss of interests
• Detachment from loved ones
• Hyper vigilance
• Exaggerated startle response
• Difficulty concentrating
• Difficulty sleeping
• Irritability or outbursts of anger
• Self-destructive or reckless behavior
Symptoms of C-PTSD (results of Little “t” traumas)":
Includes all the same symptoms of PTSD in addition to any of the following:
Re-experiencing Symptoms:
Flashbacks, such as vivid images, overwhelming emotions, or disturbing sensations
Nightmares or wake up in a fright
Thinking about the traumatic events at an inconvenient time
Reliving traumatic events
Feeling triggered in a way that leaves you feeling overwhelmed, shaky, anxious, shutdown, helpless, and/or collapsed
Avoidance Symptoms:
Staying away from people or places that remind you of traumatic events
Tendency to withdraw or isolate yourself
Relying on alcohol, substances, nicotine, or food to avoid feeling your pain
Spending hours watching T.V. or playing video games
Difficulty admitting to yourself that you were abused or neglected
Spending so much time caring for others that you ignore yourself
Perfectionist or highly critical of yourself and others
Focusing so much on work so you don’t have to feel or think about the past
Persistent Perceptions of Current Threat:
Feeling hyper aware or on guard
Startled easily
Finding yourself constantly checking your environment for signs of threats
Always needing an escape plan
Tend to expect the worst
Highly sensitive to subtle changes in other people’s body language and facial expressions
Affect Dysregulation
You tend to cry uncontrollably, even after a minor, everyday challenge
Taking you a long time to feel better after a stressful event
Frequently feeling angry or irritable
Having a hard time controlling your anger
Tend to feel anxious or panicky
Often feel hopeless or depressed
Times when you feel you would be better off dead or you think about suicide
Sometimes you feel the urge to harmself
You tend to spend time with people or in places that are dangerous
You tend to feel numb and cut off from your emotions
Feeling incapable of feeling joy or pleasure
Negative Self-Concept
Feeling like you have little control over your life no matter what you do
Often feeling ineffective or powerless
Feeling like a failure
Believing that you are damaged
Having little hope for your future
Often feeling ashamed, guilty, or unworthy
Feeling as though something is wrong with you
Difficulty finding a sense of purpose or meaning to your life
Interpersonal Disturbances
Feeling disconnected from other people
Tendency to avoid spending time with other people
Difficulty trusting other people or knowing who you can trust
Difficulty doing things on your own or feeling that you rely to heavily on other people
Terrified of being left or abandoned by others
Finding it difficult to hear other people’s viewpoints or perspectives
Tendencies to avoid conflict
Dissociative Symptoms:
Sometimes finding yourself staring into space or realize that you have been daydreaming for long periods of time
Difficulty paying attention or getting distracted easily
Suddenly getting tired, feeling far away, or as if you’re looking at the world through a fog
Are there times when people, objects, or the world feels unreal
Sometimes feeling disconnected from your body or emotionally numb
Feeling like you are different people in different situations
Sometimes feeling, acting, or talking like a younger person
Difficulty remembering broad periods of your life
Sometimes arriving at places and don’t know how you got there, or find things that you have bought but don’t remember buying them
How Can Complex Trauma be Treated?
One of the most effective forms of treatment for C-PTSD is something called an integrative, mind-body approach. This kind of therapy involves meeting with a trauma therapist over a number of sessions to learn techniques that will reduce symptoms of C-PTSD, re-processing traumatic memories, and finding emotional freedom. Beyond finding a trained therapist, it’s important to find one you feel comfortable with, so make sure to interview a few candidates to see who might help you on your journey to healing.
If you or a loved one are suffering from C-PTSD and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to see how I may be able to help.
SOURCES
https://psychcentral.com/disorders/ptsd/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-causes/
How To Begin Healing After a Personal Trauma
Everyone deals with trauma in their own way. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to respond to a tragic or terrifying event. Don’t let anyone, not even yourself, tell you that you should respond in a certain way. Having said that, there are steps you can take to begin to heal and regain control of your life.
No one is ever prepared for a tragedy. In fact, most of us go through our lives believing that tragedies happen to other people.
When people do experience a distressing or life-threatening event, such as a car accident, natural disaster, or terrorist attack, they often develop extreme anxiety or PTSD. Many develop ongoing problems with their personal relationships and their own self-esteem.
Everyone deals with trauma in their own way. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to respond to a tragic or terrifying event. Don’t let anyone, not even yourself, tell you that you should respond in a certain way.
Having said that, there are steps you can take to begin to heal and regain control of your life.
Accept Your Feelings
Ignoring your feelings of fear, shock, rage, terror, confusion, or guilt will only slow your recovery. In the moment, you may feel you must avoid your emotions. But, whether you accept or push them away, your feelings are real, and feeling them is necessary for healing. The good news is, even intense feelings will pass if you simply allow yourself to feel them.
Reframe Your Identity
After experiencing a traumatic event, it is common to feel helpless and out of control. To fully recover from the event, it is important that you eventually reframe your identity and challenge your feelings of helplessness. You can do this by taking action. Being proactive – even in small ways – will help you overcome feelings of fear and helplessness.
Consider volunteering for a cause that’s important to you. If that is too much of a time commitment, you could simply focus on helping a friend or neighbor. This will help you feel more powerful and in control of your environment.
Reach Out to Others
It is common for people to want to withdraw from loved ones and social activities following a tragic event, but connecting with others is necessary for recovery. Though you may not feel up to taking part in huge gatherings like you once did, a simple face to face conversation with a close friend or relative can trigger hormones that relieve stress.
You don't need talk about the event with your loved ones if you aren't up for it, just simply spending time with them will help you feel more “normal.” Of course, if you feel like you need to talk about your feelings, reach out to those who love you and who can support you. You may also want to look into support groups in your local area so you can be around others who know what you are going through.
And finally, you may want to consider seeking guidance from a professional therapist who is trained in helping people who have experienced a traumatic event. They can help you navigate your emotions as well as give you tools to get back on your feet.
If you have experienced a traumatic event and feel you could use some guidance on your journey back toward peace and joy, please get in touch with me. You don’t have to suffer with your burden alone.