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5 Subtle Signs of Trauma: When You're Dealing with More Than You Think
When you think about someone experiencing trauma, incidents such as a violent or sexual assault or a terrible car accident might come to mind. Those are very traumatic and are more obvious trauma experiences, but there are also other, subtler forms of trauma that can negatively affect our lives and hinder our relationships. These sometimes go under the radar or get dismissed because they are more subtle.
Emotional trauma is often overlooked and minimized, and we may think we’ve “gotten over” some emotional pain that we’ve simply buried, and not dealt with. A break up, being passed over for a promotion at work, or even a simple but negative childhood experience can cause emotional trauma. Read on to see if you recognize any of these four subtle signs of trauma in yourself.
When you think about someone experiencing trauma, incidents such as a violent or sexual assault or a terrible car accident might come to mind. Those are very traumatic and are more obvious trauma experiences, but there are also other, subtler forms of trauma that can negatively affect our lives and hinder our relationships. These sometimes go under the radar or get dismissed because they are more subtle.
Emotional trauma is often overlooked and minimized, and we may think we’ve “gotten over” some emotional pain that we’ve simply buried, and not dealt with. A break up, being passed over for a promotion at work, or even a simple but negative childhood experience can cause emotional trauma. Read on to see if you recognize any of these four subtle signs of trauma in yourself.
Feeling Overwhelmed
Anxiety and stress may develop in the aftermath of trauma, causing you to feel overwhelmed in numerous ways. You might feel out of control, like there is too much to do, or that people in your life are taking up too much of your time and attention. If you often feel as though your life has become unmanageable, this could be a sign that you have some unresolved emotional trauma.
Overreacting
Emotional overreactions are a common symptom of trauma. A victim of trauma might redirect their overwhelming emotions towards others, such as family and friends. Because these undealt with emotions are always bubbling under the surface, any incident that brings feelings forward can unleash these pent-up emotions. If you can recall times when you’ve overreacted, and perhaps have even been surprised at your own reactions, this may be a sign of trauma.
Shame
It’s not uncommon for people suffering from emotional trauma to have feelings of shame and self-blame. If you have feelings of shame because of a traumatic event, you may devalue yourself or see yourself as weak. You might feel a stigma from what you endured, and this may prevent you from admitting that you may be traumatized, or prevent you from seeking help.
Daydreaming
Another subtle sign of trauma is “zoning” or “spacing out.” You might feel disconnected from others or have difficulty staying present in social situations. Emotional trauma can cause you to slow down internally, numbing your emotions or causing you to feel exhausted. Because of the trauma you experienced, you may be averse to the expression of painful emotions, so you turn those emotions off. As you withdraw, your relationships with others suffer, causing you further psychological pain.
Physical Illness or Pain
Often times when emotional pain is buried and/or ignored, the body naturally finds a way to release it in one way or another. Sometimes this comes out in physical bodily pains, illness, disease, or allergies. Emotional, mental, and physical health are intertwined so unresolved emotional pain may come out in your physical body.
If these signs seem familiar and you believe you may be suffering from trauma, help is available. A caring, mental health professional trained in trauma treatment can help. Take the first step by giving us a call today, and let’s set up a time to talk.
Do You Have C-PTSD?
You have most likely heard the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – also known as PTSD. It is used to describe the mental and emotional anguish suffered by those who have experienced sudden trauma, usually a one time incident. PTSD is often experienced by soldiers as well as those who have been victims of rape and other crimes, and even victims of house fires and car accidents.
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) describes a condition that very much presents like PTSD, the difference being the sufferer experienced prolonged periods of abuse or neglect. This could happen as a result of childhood abuse/neglect or the abuse suffered at the hands of a narcissistic partner.
You have most likely heard the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – also known as PTSD. It is used to describe the mental and emotional anguish suffered by those who have experienced sudden trauma, usually a one time incident. PTSD is often experienced by soldiers as well as those who have been victims of rape and other crimes, and even victims of house fires and car accidents.
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) describes a condition that very much presents like PTSD, the difference being the sufferer experienced prolonged periods of abuse or neglect. This could happen as a result of childhood abuse/neglect or the abuse suffered at the hands of a narcissistic partner.
Diagnosing C-PTSD
Diagnosing C-PTSD is tricky because the symptoms are usually not very unique. That is to say, someone who is suffering from C-PTSD may be experiencing anxiety and lethargy, but these symptoms match other mental health issues.
But it is very important to accurately diagnose C-PTSD because of the necessary treatment measures. The main difference between C-PTSD and other mental health issues – say, bipolar disorder – is that C-PTSD is a result of things that were done TO an individual, and not an intrinsic problem. In other words, someone suffers from C-PTSD because of abuse and neglect at the hands of another and not because of genetically determined brain chemistry.
To help correctly identify C-PTSD, a therapist must uncover an accurate history to understand if:
The individual has experienced multiple prolonged traumas that have lasted for months (or even years)
The traumas were caused by someone the individual had a deep interpersonal relationship with and/or someone who was part of their primary care network (most commonly a parent or caregiver)
These traumas were experienced as permanent features of life, with the individual unable to see any end in sight
The individual had no control or power over the person traumatizing them
Symptoms of C-PTSD
As I just mentioned, the outward symptoms of C-PTSD may match other mental health disorders. Those symptoms include:
Flashbacks and nightmares in which the trauma is relived.
Avoiding people, places, and situations that remind them of the trauma.
Dizziness or nausea when remembering the trauma.
Hyperarousal. This is a state of high alert and one they often lived in.
A belief that the world is a dangerous place.
A loss of trust in self or others.
Difficulty sleeping and concentrating.
Being startled by loud noises.
Treatment for C-PTSD
There are a few different treatment options for people suffering from C-PTSD:
Psychotherapy
Therapy can take place on a one-to-one basis or in a group setting. The focus will be on addressing feelings, improving connections with others, and dealing with anxiety and flashbacks.
EMDR
EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. This is a process that uses eye movement to help a person desensitize their reactions to a specific traumatic event. The result is the person can eventually recall the memory but have no emotional reaction to it.
Medication
Some individuals may need to be on medications for a while to reduce their anxiety. A therapist can work with you to determine if this is the best course of action.
If you believe you are suffering from C-PTSD and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
Overcoming Generational Trauma
You know you got your hairline from your Dad’s side of the family and your eye color from your mom. You know diabetes runs in your family, as does heart disease and Parkinson’s. But do you know that many families also pass down trauma to their loved ones? It’s not just our physical makeup and risk of disease that we inherit from our family, it is also the emotional wounds as well.
You know you got your hairline from your Dad’s side of the family and your eye color from your mom. You know diabetes runs in your family, as does heart disease and Parkinson’s.
But do you know that many families also pass down trauma to their loved ones? It’s not just our physical makeup and risk of disease that we inherit from our family, it is also the emotional wounds as well.
What is Transgenerational Trauma?
Before you were born you were in your mother’s womb and very susceptible to her emotions. As your mother felt joy, her body released hormones that made you feel joy.
When she felt sad, scared, or angry, her body released hormones that made her experience these same emotions.
Eventually, you were born and raised in a house that may not always be happy or harmonious. Your parents may have been emotionally distant or even abusive because they may have been brought up by parents who had their own reasons for being emotionally absent or abusive.
Many families have unresolved trauma that works its way through one generation to the next. Those families who have dealt with addiction, depression, anxiety, terror, racism, and the like, often continue to pass on negative emotions, poor behaviors, low self-esteem, and maladaptive coping strategies. These not only lead to a painful and hard life, but they can also lead to chronic health conditions.
It Can Stop With You!
If you have a history of family conflict or trauma, you can be the individual who puts an end to the cycle. You can be the one who begins a new cycle, one of passing down loving communication and positive self-images.
Of course, it will take work on your part to overcome the pain of your family history. That’s why it’s a good idea to work with a mental health professional who can offer you the right tools and coping strategies that you can then pass down to your own children.
If you’re interested in exploring therapy, please get in touch with me! I’d love to help you end the cycle of trauma in your family.
SOURCES:
What is Complex Trauma and What Causes it?
Little “t” traumas (Complex-Trauma) are when someone is repeatedly exposed to extremely threatening events from which they are unable to escape such as, prolonged bullying or harrassment, prolonged emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, prolonged captivity, prolonged domestic violence, prolonged discrimination, or being a refuge.
Most of us won’t get through life without our own fair share of stress and heartache. But some people experience not just stress, sadness or grief, but actual trauma. There are two categories of trauma commonly referred to as: Big “”T trauma and Little “t” trauma (also known as complex trauma).
Big “T” Trauma
Big “T” traumas are isolated incidents such as, being involved in a bad car accident, an isolated rape incident, a natural disaster, or war. The result of experiencing big “T” trauma events is called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a condition where the mind is unable to process the event as it processes ordinary life events. The result is a brain that misfires information, causing the person to live much of their life distressed, as if the event were still happening to them.
Little “t” trauma
Little “t” traumas (Complex-Trauma) are when someone is repeatedly exposed to extremely threatening events from which they are unable to escape such as, prolonged bullying or harrassment, prolonged emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, prolonged captivity, prolonged domestic violence, prolonged discrimination, or being a refuge. Although little “t” traumas may seem less significant because they are not as life threatening as big “T” traumas, the reality is sometimes little “t” traumas can cause more emotional harm than big “T” traumas. The result of little “t” traumas is Complex-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD). C-PTSD can also develop from traumas experienced during a child’s developmental years such as, childhood sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect, exposure to domestic violence, having a parent with an untreated mental illness, and having a parent who abuses alcohol or other substances.
Symptoms of PTSD (results of Big “T” traumas):
• Nightmares
• Flashbacks
• Psychological and physiological distress at reminders
• Avoidance of internal and external reminders
• Dissociative amnesia
• Negative beliefs about oneself and the world
• Distorted blaming of oneself
• Negative persistent emotional states
• Loss of interests
• Detachment from loved ones
• Hyper vigilance
• Exaggerated startle response
• Difficulty concentrating
• Difficulty sleeping
• Irritability or outbursts of anger
• Self-destructive or reckless behavior
Symptoms of C-PTSD (results of Little “t” traumas)":
Includes all the same symptoms of PTSD in addition to any of the following:
Re-experiencing Symptoms:
Flashbacks, such as vivid images, overwhelming emotions, or disturbing sensations
Nightmares or wake up in a fright
Thinking about the traumatic events at an inconvenient time
Reliving traumatic events
Feeling triggered in a way that leaves you feeling overwhelmed, shaky, anxious, shutdown, helpless, and/or collapsed
Avoidance Symptoms:
Staying away from people or places that remind you of traumatic events
Tendency to withdraw or isolate yourself
Relying on alcohol, substances, nicotine, or food to avoid feeling your pain
Spending hours watching T.V. or playing video games
Difficulty admitting to yourself that you were abused or neglected
Spending so much time caring for others that you ignore yourself
Perfectionist or highly critical of yourself and others
Focusing so much on work so you don’t have to feel or think about the past
Persistent Perceptions of Current Threat:
Feeling hyper aware or on guard
Startled easily
Finding yourself constantly checking your environment for signs of threats
Always needing an escape plan
Tend to expect the worst
Highly sensitive to subtle changes in other people’s body language and facial expressions
Affect Dysregulation
You tend to cry uncontrollably, even after a minor, everyday challenge
Taking you a long time to feel better after a stressful event
Frequently feeling angry or irritable
Having a hard time controlling your anger
Tend to feel anxious or panicky
Often feel hopeless or depressed
Times when you feel you would be better off dead or you think about suicide
Sometimes you feel the urge to harmself
You tend to spend time with people or in places that are dangerous
You tend to feel numb and cut off from your emotions
Feeling incapable of feeling joy or pleasure
Negative Self-Concept
Feeling like you have little control over your life no matter what you do
Often feeling ineffective or powerless
Feeling like a failure
Believing that you are damaged
Having little hope for your future
Often feeling ashamed, guilty, or unworthy
Feeling as though something is wrong with you
Difficulty finding a sense of purpose or meaning to your life
Interpersonal Disturbances
Feeling disconnected from other people
Tendency to avoid spending time with other people
Difficulty trusting other people or knowing who you can trust
Difficulty doing things on your own or feeling that you rely to heavily on other people
Terrified of being left or abandoned by others
Finding it difficult to hear other people’s viewpoints or perspectives
Tendencies to avoid conflict
Dissociative Symptoms:
Sometimes finding yourself staring into space or realize that you have been daydreaming for long periods of time
Difficulty paying attention or getting distracted easily
Suddenly getting tired, feeling far away, or as if you’re looking at the world through a fog
Are there times when people, objects, or the world feels unreal
Sometimes feeling disconnected from your body or emotionally numb
Feeling like you are different people in different situations
Sometimes feeling, acting, or talking like a younger person
Difficulty remembering broad periods of your life
Sometimes arriving at places and don’t know how you got there, or find things that you have bought but don’t remember buying them
How Can Complex Trauma be Treated?
One of the most effective forms of treatment for C-PTSD is something called an integrative, mind-body approach. This kind of therapy involves meeting with a trauma therapist over a number of sessions to learn techniques that will reduce symptoms of C-PTSD, re-processing traumatic memories, and finding emotional freedom. Beyond finding a trained therapist, it’s important to find one you feel comfortable with, so make sure to interview a few candidates to see who might help you on your journey to healing.
If you or a loved one are suffering from C-PTSD and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to see how I may be able to help.
SOURCES
https://psychcentral.com/disorders/ptsd/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-causes/
What is a Mother Wound?
A “mother wound” is not a term we often hear, so if you’re wondering if you or someone you care about has a “mother wound,” you have come to the right place.
There is no official clinical mental health diagnosis for the mother wound, but it is a form of complex trauma that can be passed down from one generation to the next. The mother wound is most often associated with daughters and mothers, but sometimes sons can have mother wounds as well.
A “mother wound” is not a term we often hear, so if you’re wondering if you or someone you care about has a “mother wound,” you have come to the right place.
There is no official clinical mental health diagnosis for the mother wound, but it is a form of complex trauma that can be passed down from one generation to the next. The mother wound is most often associated with daughters and mothers, but sometimes sons can have mother wounds as well.
What is a Mother Wound?
To put it simply, the mother wound is the loss or lack of mothering - the loss or lack of getting what we needed as a child growing up from our mother. Much of how we develop our sense of self and who we are comes from our mother as Kristina Robb-Dover says in her article “How to Heal from a ‘Mother Wound’ and Family Trauma.” When we are nurtured, protected, and cared for it develops a sense of security within us and trust with others. How we develop within the context of relationship with our mother often shapes how we view ourselves, others, and the world.
“Maternal love is our first experience of what love feels like, and the maternal care we receive informs how we feel about ourselves throughout life” (McDaniel, 2021).
In Stephi Wagner’s article, “What is the Mother Wound,” she describes that the mother wound happens when a mother causes their child pain and/or trauma in the context of relationship with their mother. The harm can happen at any stage of their life - infant, child, teen, or adult. The harm could have been a one-time event or ongoing for a long period of time.
The Mother Wound can take several different forms as listed below:
Emotional Mother Wound
Manipulative
Guilt trip
Emotional caretaker of your mother
Gaslighting
Verbal abuse
Mocking
Shaming
Showing favoritism
Parentification
Neglect
Physical Mother Wound
Hitting
Spanking
Swatting
Pinching
Beating
Slapping
Smacking
Sexual Mother Wound
Body shaming
Sexual abuse
Slut shaming
Rejecting of sexual orientation
Silence when another adult does the above
Spiritual / Religious Mother Wound
Forced prayer
Mandatory service attendance
Coerced beliefs
“Because god says”
rejection of chosen spiritual beliefs
Economic / Financial Mother Wound
Using money / purchased to manipulate
Controlling access to money / purchased items
Destruction of property
Evicting or threatening eviction
The Signs and Symptoms of the Mother Wound
In Stephi Wagner’s article, “What is the Mother Wound,” and Sherry Gaba’s article, who is a Licensed Social Worker, “The Mother Wound” they state that the following are signs and symptoms that you may have a mother wound:
Feeling overly responsible for the feelings of others
Pattern of dismissing your own needs and feelings
History of unfulfilling, difficult or even broken relationships
Inability to handle conflict confidently and effectively
Difficulty saying no, setting boundaries, or asserting yourself
Struggles with ongoing depression and/or anxiety
Discomfort with an even hatred towards your own body
Sexual inhibition and/or dysfunction coupled with insecurity regarding sex and pleasure
Persistent sense you are either “too much” or “not enough”
Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, self-loathing, guilt, and shame
Caring too much about the judgements and opinions of others
Eating disorders
Addictions
Never feeling like you had your mothers approval or acceptance
Concerns about not being loved by their mother or not being loved as much as other siblings or family members
Difficulties in relating to the mother on an emotional level
Uncertainty about the relationship with the mother and if it could be lost with a mistake or an accident
Always trying to do better or to be perfect, to attempt to gain your mother's attention and acceptance
Feelings of having to protect, care for, or shelter your mother rather than her protecting, caring for and sheltering you
If any of these signs or symptoms resonate with you, it is important you seek professional help to learn how to navigate these wounds and find healing. Most of us cannot do this work on our own which is why I recommend working with an attachment-focused therapist. No matter where you are at in your journey to finding healing from a mother wound, a qualified attachment-focused therapist can help. Reach out to me today if you would like to take the next step in your healing journey.