For some of people, spending time with family during the holidays is something straight out of a Hallmark movie with days filled with comfort and joy. But for many others, the holidays with family are scarier than Halloween. From the stress of traveling to the pressure of buying and wrapping gifts, and the fact many family members can’t be in the same room with each other without a fight erupting, holidays can be stressful!
While you can’t necessarily stop family drama from occurring, there are some simple and effective ways you can deal with it:
Have Realistic Expectations
So much of the pain of the holidays comes from having unrealistic expectations. Acknowledge beforehand that you and your family are human and that there may be those moments that aren’t very pleasant and that’s okay. Life and families are messy.
Allow Yourself to Feel
Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel (such as disappointment, hurt, or grief). Try not to ignore your feelings or supress them. Recognize and acknoweldge how your impacted by the family dynamics without reacting in hurtful ways to others.
Sometimes sadness and grief come up during the holidays too, which is normal. Family gatherings can remind us of our loved ones who are not here with us anymore. If a loved one has recently died, talk with other family members about the loved one. Discuss how you all might do something special in their memory to acknowledge their absence. Check with your family to see what feels comfortable to everyone. Holidays can be a difficult time for grief, but reminiscing with others can help you heal in the grieving process.
Set Your Boundaries
Time spent with families over the holidays can also trigger us to feel like children all over again, essentially helpless. But you are an adult now and you are not helpless. You can set those boundaries to protect your mental health. Determine before you go what you will tolerate and what you won’t. This can be for simple things like meal times and sleeping accommodations to what topics of discussion you will engage in. Be sure to share your personal limits with all involved.
Use Good Judgement
When the holiday drama sets in, it’s easy to want to drink more or eat more processed foods. But in large amounts, alcohol and processed sugars impair our mood and judgement. Do your best to not overindulge.
You may also want to speak with a therapist in the weeks leading up to the holidays. He or she can give you tools to help you navigate the awkward and tense moments during family get-togethers.
If you’re interested in exploring counseling, please reach out to me. I’d love to help your holidays be warm and merry (or at least tolerable!).
SOURCES:
https://www.hioscar.com/blog/10-healthy-ways-to-deal-with-holiday-family-drama
https://brainmd.com/blog/how-to-avoid-family-drama-during-the-holidays/