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5 Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect
Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) is the result of parents not responding enough to the emotional needs of their children. While it is an invisible form of suffering, as opposed to bruises and broken bones, it has lasting ramifications. And adults that have suffered from CEN have no idea that their current world is being created from a place of lack.
For many individuals, childhood is a time of wonder and adventure; a time when all needs are met and comfort is merely a whimper away.
And yet for others, childhood never feels quite safe or secure. For these people, emotional neglect was something that colored their early years and affects them as adults.
Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) is the result of parents not responding enough to the emotional needs of their children. While it is an invisible form of suffering, as opposed to bruises and broken bones, it has lasting ramifications. And adults that have suffered from CEN have no idea that their current world is being created from a place of lack.
What Makes CEN Invisible?
There are a couple of specifics that make CEN invisible to the victim:
It can happen in otherwise loving families that do not lack material needs.
A parent’s failure to respond to your emotional needs is not something that happens to you as a child. It is something that doesn’t happen to you, and therefore, your brain has nothing to record as “proof.”
These adults find themselves creating lives that don’t quite feel right. They may investigate their childhoods, looking for clues, but usually come up with nothing, which can add to their sense of stress and anxiety.
In the end, they feel that something must be innately wrong with them. They take the blame, assuming that they are simply flawed and different from other people who seem to have their acts together.
If you identify with this feeling, here are 5 signs you grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect:
1. Fear of Being Dependent on Others
Independence is a good quality to have. But having a deep-seated fear about depending on anyone for anything, never asking for help or support, is not healthy.
2. You Don’t Really Know Yourself
When you meet new people and have to tell them about yourself, do you find it difficult? Do you know your strengths and weaknesses? What you like and don’t like? Victims of CEN tend to not know themselves as well as they should.
3. You’re a People Pleaser
You spend a lot of time trying to meet other people’s needs and pay little attention to your own. You’re hard on yourself but soft with others.
4. You Feel Empty
This can feel different to different people. Maybe you feel an empty sensation in your gut, throat or chest. Maybe you are struggling to find your purpose in life which leaves you feeling empty. Maybe you find it difficult to enjoy the small moments in life. For some it comes and goes, for others, this feeling is there 24/7 – 365.
5. You Have Trouble Feeling Your Emotions
When your emotions were ignored as a child, you never learned how to feel them and express them in healthy ways. As an adult, do you find it hard to identify the feelings you feel, let alone express them to others?
If you’ve just had an A-ha moment and think you may have suffered CEN and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. There is hope and you CAN heal from the invisible wounds and start creating the life you were meant to live.
Signs of Depression
Depression is more common that some might think. According to hopkinsmedicine.org, approximately 9.5% of American adults will suffer from a depressive illness each year. It’s natural to feel down or anxious from time to time. However, prolonged feelings of hopelessness and despair could be a sign of something more. When these emotions grab hold, and won’t let go, it is likely you may have depression. Depression makes every day a constant challenge. You no longer enjoy life as you once did.
Depression is more common that some might think. According to hopkinsmedicine.org, approximately 9.5% of American adults will suffer from a depressive illness each year.
It’s natural to feel down or anxious from time to time. However, prolonged feelings of hopelessness and despair could be a sign of something more. When these emotions grab hold, and won’t let go, it is likely you may have depression. Depression makes every day a constant challenge. You no longer enjoy life as you once did. Just getting out of bed can feel overwhelming.
But, through education, therapy, and sometimes medication, you can find relief from depression and get back to the life you were meant to live.
If you’re unsure of whether you are suffering from depression, read on to learn common signs and symptoms of depression.
SIGNS OF DEPRESSION
How can you tell if you are depressed? It may seem like an odd question, but a surprising number of people do not recognize that they may be suffering from depression. While some signs are obvious, others can be subtle.
Every individual will manifest symptoms in a different way, so it’s important to recognize any changes in your behavior. With this in mind, here are some signs you might be struggling with depression.
Clinical Symptoms of Depression
For a diagnosis of depression, the time requirement states that symptoms have been present for two or more weeks.
Feeling sad most of the day, nearly every day
Feeling a sense of hopelessness
Fatigue or lack of energy
Lack of interest or pleasure in activities / Loss of motivation
Irritability
Appetite or weight change
Sleep disturbance (trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, or sleeping too much)
Moving or talking more slowly, or more quickly, than normal
Feeling restless or fidgeting
Decreased ability to focus, remember, or make decisions
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
Thoughts of suicide or death, or attempting to end one’s life
All symptoms are not experienced by every individual, some may only experience a few of the symptoms listed above. The frequency and severity to which one experiences symptoms will also vary from one individual to the next, and without treatment may worsen over time.
Additional Signs of Depression
Anger & Irritability
It has been said that anger is depression turned inward. If you suddenly find yourself with a short fuse, and things that used to not bother you now cause you to fly off the handle, it may be a sign you need some help.
Physical Ailments
Many people don’t realize that depression can manifest itself physically. It is common for sufferers to feel sick to their stomach with whole body aches. Some may find they seem to have a cold or flu that won’t go away, while others may notice their chronic conditions, such as arthritis, are exacerbated by depression.
CAUSES & RISK FACTORS FOR DEPRESSION
Any one of the following could contribute to some developing depression.
Trauma
Stress
Physical illness
Medications
Individual or family history
Life changes
Low self-esteem
Biochemistry: Certain chemicals in the brain may be off balance contributing to depression
Continuous exposure to violence, neglect, abuse or poverty may make some people more vulnerable to depression.
What can you do about it?
Seek treatment from a mental health professional
Consider the possibility that medication might be helpful, at least temporarily
Increase exercise
Talk to friends or family
Make a conscious effort not to isolate yourself from others
Get outdoors – get some fresh air and sunlight
Eat nutritious foods
It is important to recognize these signs and symptoms so you may seek treatment as soon as possible. While depression may feel like a life sentence, reaching out for help will put you on the path toward healing and peace once again.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
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The Truth About Perfectionism
Perfectionism can often be a by-product of what’s already going on inside a person. It may be a symptom of deeper rooted problems including stress, anxiety, depression, burn out, or OCD.
We live in a society that values things that appear perfect. And I suppose there are things that can be perfect. Architects can draw the perfect straight line, mathematicians can solve an equation with a perfect calculation, and a chocolate cake can be perfectly moist.
But as human beings, we can never reach a state of perfection because we will always be a work in progress. Perfection indicates a finality – a finished product – but we as humans are always growing and changing.
What is Perfectionism?
Many people view perfectionism as a positive attribute. They believe the more “perfect” they are, the more success they will have in life.
Perfectionism is NOT the same thing as always doing your best. It is important that we always do our best. By doing so, we can experience healthy achievements and growth. But perfectionism takes this concept to the extreme.
People with perfectionist tendencies often have self-defeating thoughts and/or behaviors that actually make it HARDER to achieve their goals.
Perfectionism can often be a by-product of what’s already going on inside a person. It may be a symptom of deeper rooted problems including stress, anxiety, depression, burn out, or OCD. Perfectionism can lead to more serious negative consequences as well, including depression, eating disorders, or suicide. Perfectionism can also have a negative impact on the individual’s relationships because they come to expect perfectionism from everyone around them.
Signs to Look For
Most human beings, from time to time, will strive for perfectionism in some aspect of their life. As an example, that “perfectly moist chocolate cake” I mentioned earlier got that way because the person who baked it was trying to get everything JUST RIGHT as a gift for someone’s birthday.
But there are those people who are “full-time” perfectionists. They strive for perfection in all aspects of their life.
Here are some signs you may be a perfectionist:
You don’t like to attempt tasks or activities unless you feel you can complete them perfectly.
You are end-oriented, meaning you focus little on the process of creating or learning something and put all of the emphasis on the outcome.
You cannot see a task as having been completed unless it meets your perfectionist standards.
You tend to procrastinate because you don’t like starting a task until you know you can perfectly complete it.
You tend to take far longer completing tasks than others. This can be problematic at work.
Getting Help
Again, perfectionism is not the same thing as doing your best. It is a condition whereby the individual is almost incapable of feeling joy or pride at what they accomplish because in their own minds, they are never quite good enough.
If you believe you may have traits of perfectionism and it is causing you stress, there are things you can do to find healing and freedom so you can live a healthier and happier life.
Therapy and counseling is often helpful in treating perfectionism. If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me.